Posted in Life, Truth

The Face of Death

Wayward thoughts and system failure
total nightmare and perfect recall
memories once banished, now resurfaces
ideas killed in embryo suddenly spring back to life…
Lies told in secret are now brought to the light of truth

No way in, no way out… nothing but a last right administration
No last call, no last kiss, no last word, no planned final moment
Just brief moment before the darkness comes..

A flash of life, a quick flash of your whole life
a lack of focus in this final moment
a focus on the white light as they say
but all you feel is empty…void of all emotions,
a resigned fate, an empty cell

No way in, no way out…nothing but a barred window, that brings the last ray of light to ever fall on your face
No last embrace, no warm smile from your other half, no last hot cup of beverage
Just you and scurrying wild rats in the heart of this evil cage

But now, they move quietly, your little wild companions
As though they sense an emptiness within you
No running around, no wild chases, just hushed whispers, silent stares… or you’ve finally gone mad,
reading the poor creatures like you were one with them.

The last light of day has now gone
the moment of truth, time slowly passes,
slowly ticking at the back of your mind
Few hours and it will be over,
your final breath to take and be done with
A scream trapped in your belly

No way in, no way out…nothing but a resigned sigh
no last sane word, no last laugh, never again to hear your little one’s sweet voice…
Just a grunt in the back of your throat

‘over with it already’, your mind screams but words fail you
after days of screams and echoes of screams, you’ve finally accepted
this is fate, this is the end…
Time must pass and quickly it must…
You bring back the thoughts,

you try some happy memories…but it only bring tears to your eyes
but no time for that,
you try the what ifs,
what you could have said and done differently your whole life,
and how you would say them once you got free…
but it only gave you hope…
and that you’ve given up on
You think of times you’ve been wronged and hurt
divested of your right and it filled you with rage…

Rage!
That you can work with, it brings an evil glow to your eyes
You’ve been good your whole life and see how that ended for you,
the perfect son, the do-good child
always on point…and here you are
just you, no one else…
not your ever budding followers on social media –
that sounds ridiculous to you, even for allowing the thought,
not the two-faced bastards who called themselves your friends –
you know they’ve been the best friends,
you just needed someone but yourself to blame for your misfortune
no one but yourself…

You couldn’t help but laugh, an empty dry laugh
you sounded to yourself like a character
from an horror movie you saw recently, was it last week?
Ah! last week feels like a lifetime ago,
What do you know, time is just a notion
Quiet everywhere, but the rage still boils within you
like a volcanic rock…

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, calm your nerves, you think – in through your nose, out through your mouth…
once…twice…thrice…on and on till you begin to feel woozy,
your nerves are calm, and with the calm comes a clarity,
your final clarity, the clarity of certain death
you now understand and accept with calm and clarity what must be
Nothing was as it seems since the beginning, this shouldn’t be different…

You embrace yourself for the last time,
Your final act of acceptance, you forgive yourself
you close your eyes and grit your teeth,
you know what you must do, so you set to do your final work..

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Author:

Joel O. is a mathematician with a passion for writing who believes in the power of the mind and what can be achieved if one can 'imagine' it and work towards it.. He is a writer, a poet and a blogger. He is also an editor for Rainbow Chaussure and Executive Editor at Dalet Institute.

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