Posted in Life, personal growth, Salient Thoughts

Learning To Lose

Life is not just a game, according to Jordan Peterson, it is a set of games, and the rule is never sacrifice victory across a set of games for victory in a single game.

It’s simple. Our lives are made up of series of events, and while all these events and our responses to them define the kind of life we have, no single event is our life.

The important thing is, while we are doing everything we can to make each event as successful as possible in order to richly fortify our life as a whole, there are some times when victory in a single game would significantly alter our life negatively. And such an impact might be very hard to recover from.

Continue reading “Learning To Lose”

Posted in Life, personal growth, Salient Thoughts

You’re Doing Your Best. Relax.

Lately, I’ve been working hard on myself.

Since late last year, I developed the habit of pushing past my limits, both physically and mentally.

I started working on my body, running miles till I feel my lungs would collapse but going further anyway, working out till my muscles are all strained and feeling messed up, yet I still push myself up.

I also pushed through my mental limits. I began to read outside my domain of comfort. Subjects that require deep thinking and concentration.

I started asking tough questions that have kept me and a while lot of other people boxed up for so long because we are scared to challenge some set powers.

Continue reading “You’re Doing Your Best. Relax.”

Posted in Life, love, Nature

Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up Too Quickly

It is often considered immature and overly childish if a child of certain age still wants mommy around all the time or wants to hold her hand. More so if you’re a male child, you just have to grow up faster than your age. You are not expected to still be crying for sweets at the age of four or still be crying because your baby sister wants to play with your favourite toy. Damnit you’re a big boy, just grow up already!

Emotional needs of children are mostly ignored these days because, I don’t know, times are changing and there is no place in the world for weak needy men? You’ve got to learn to be independent, little man!

And so from a tender age of four or five we require kids to ‘grow up’ and stop acting like sissies.

Continue reading “Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up Too Quickly”

Posted in personal growth, Salient Thoughts

What Are You Storing Up: Gold or Pyrite?

There is something about knowledge, the more you know, the more you realise how little you know, the more you want to know more.

The need to know is ever rising and with the advent of the internet, a lot of information is shoved in our faces every time we go online. Everyone has an opinion. On a particular topic you can find as much different opinions as possible, some with valid convincing points.

But that’s not all.

Continue reading “What Are You Storing Up: Gold or Pyrite?”

Posted in Life, personal growth

18 Life-Changing Lessons I Learnt In 2017

Just 3 more days to go in 2017. And then another journey of 365 days.

This made me think back on the last 361 days of my life– like, really think back. And the conclusion is that 2017 has been an amazing year.

This past year, I’ve done things I’d never tried before–both good and bad. I’ve pushed myself past the limits I’d been too lazy to push past before. I’ve arguably learnt far more in the past 360 days as regards my personal development than I’ve learn in the past 22 years of my life.

Yes. I know how that sounds. But really, 2017 has been a great year. The best part is that it didn’t take me the whole 361 days to learn the most crucial lessons I learnt. In fact, most of the progress I made happened within the last 100 days. Which means the lessons are not necessarily difficult to come by or to learn, but more about availability and willingness to learn.

Below is a summary of the most important lessons I’ve learnt this year that you can also pick one or two from.

Continue reading “18 Life-Changing Lessons I Learnt In 2017”

Posted in Life, personal growth, Salient Thoughts

The Firm Foundation Your Life Needs

Sometimes it will look like nothing is working out in your favour. Sometimes it will feel like the universe is conspiring against you and luck has turned its back on you. Sometimes the feeling of helplessness may become so overwhelming that you are forced to consider lowering your standard.
If you’ve ever felt like that, you are not alone. It is a natural feeling in times of distress.
But there is something that serves like a support system in this trying times that everyone needs to have, and it’s none other than the good foundations provided by correct principles.

Principles are the foundation of anyone’s character. The kinds of principles your life is based on determines the kind of person you are. It also determines the kinds of virtue and skills that can be built on it, virtues that are compatible with the principles. Continue reading “The Firm Foundation Your Life Needs”

Posted in personal growth

Why You Shouldn’t Focus On Happiness

Every new beginning is said to come from some other beginning’s end, but what point marks an end? If an end is also a beginning, does a true end exist; is there an absolute end to any process?
Look at a virus for example, outside of a host, it becomes inactive and relatively ‘dead’; it can no longer thrive or reproduce. But re-insert it into a conducive environment, a suitable condition within a particular period of time, and once again it is alive.
A writer begins to write a story. It goes on and on and on, plot twists, climax, humour, all wrapped up into one beautiful story and then he finally writes ‘the end’. He then packages it and believes his work is done. But then he picks it up later, re-reads, and finds that there could still be more, the story could end even better, or even better, it should not end just yet, it should have a sequel. A little change here or there could make the whole story even more intriguing.
In school, you start from basic to intermediate to higher institution. Bit someone who truly gets the essence of schooling realises learning isn’t restricted to within the walls of school, that is just the starting point, the real lessons are learnt in life, so learning never ends for him.
Look at a business. you start from scratch, little or no money, no popularity, but you’ve got a good product or service to render and so you market the hell out of it. Now, business is booming. You work so that you can earn more, you can take your business global, cover more ground. You do not a point where you think, when I make this amount of money or when I am known all over the country or continent, then I’ll close up shop, that’s it for me, I’ve reached my goal.”

The point is, there is no true end to process, you only reach milestones. Now the milestones vary from one process to another and the significance, the closeness to looking like an end varies based on how important we see the project or how big it is and how many points we break the project into.
Just like energy can neither be created nor destroyed, its form can only be changed, the same can be said of processes, the do not possess a true end, their supposed end can be transformed into new beginnings. This is seen either as a direct continuation in which the new process builds directly on the foundations of the previous process, or as an indirect continuation, in which case the new process builds on the inspiration from the previous process.

What is the point?

What this means is that, at any point in time, we are surrounded by endless possibilities. We can do anything with whatever we are dealt in life. We can build on that good luck or that turn of fate that seemed not to be in our favour, or we can build on something that we’ve got going and get other things done, because growth itself is a process and it is closely related to something we seem to need in our lives; happiness.

Happiness is a by-product of process. It is mainly seen as an end. It is widely believed to be end product of either hard work or going after your purpose in life, like it is a prize or reward at the end of a competition. This is not the case. Happiness itself is part of the process of working and pursuing your purpose. It is also commonly illustrated as a butterfly, the more you try to catch it, the farther it flies away, but when you decide to let it be, when you sit still, it comes to gently rest on your shoulders. While this is a good way to see happiness, it is also important to note that happiness doesn’t come as a result of inertia or inactivity, it is a by-product of action, and not just any action, only actions that work toward revealing more of our ideal selves, what I’ll refer to as the positive action, as opposed to a negative action, in which we slave away just for the sake of gaining material things that doesn’t add or isn’t in line with our ideal selves.

Happiness and pleasure, though sometimes go hand-in-hand, are different things. Happiness is closely related to growth. A positive action will propel you to grow, and growth can be painful or unpleasant because it pushes you to expand, to become bigger than your shell and crawl out that space. Pleasure which can be experienced when you get out of the shell and into a larger space, more comfortable and allows you more space to grow, can also be experienced through negative action, so the presence of pleasure does not guarantee the presence of happiness.
Take a tree for example, as it is growing, it will reach certain milestones of achievement such as the point where it starts yielding fruits. That milestone can be described as pleasure, while the painful growth process itself, the process of the root taking firmer hold in the ground, shedding off old leaves, requiring sunlight and water, that process is what happiness is. It is the feeling of surviving all odds that gives happiness.

And that is the purpose of supposed end, those moments of pleasure from doing the work, they are not true ends, but rather a brief pause that adds the incentive we need to further grow, to get out of the shell we’ve outgrown and in essence gives room for more happiness.

Happiness is not a reward waiting at the end of a process. It is the reward that accompanies the process, every step of the way.

Negative action-those things we do to gratify our outer self, to seek external validations from the people around us-is not so different from inaction-sitting on your ass and doing nothing to propel yourself for the right or wrong reasons. And that is where the major difference between happiness and pleasure lies: Happiness is only achieved on the positive side of the action scale while pleasure can be found on both sides and even at the point of inaction.
Sit on your ass all day and play video games or do drugs, you’d definitely find pleasure in that, just as much as you would find pleasure in working hard just to make enough money to impress people around you or to have money so you can go to the club every night and sleep with different people. But none of this things bring happiness. Making enough money will not bring happiness at the end, because it is the same as the moth that keeps flying towards the light of the moon. It would never reach the moon before it dies, and even if it does, it would only find that the moon does not have a light of its own and it had been chasing after a mirage for so long, at which point would be too late. Waiting for happiness as well would only keep one waiting for what would never arrive.

The Take-Away

The implication of these is that, focus shouldn’t be on finding happiness or pleasure, but on the process, the beginnings, and how to turn the ends to meaning new beginnings, pleasure and happiness will follow.
This is why continuity is essential to life and is the definition of growth. Scientists are working hard to find a ‘cure for death’, to find a way to stop the ageing process and make humans a-mortal, because they recognise that death is perhaps the only true end for now, the rest are just temporary ends that can be reawakened like the virus.